I guess this is not the best time for me to tell this story, but
2008 is coming along so soon, it's a new year and
therefore i'm determine to make a new start.
Sometimes, things happen when you are least expecting
them to. And I guess I was just unlucky enough to have
him walked into my life and it wasn't long before I had
feelings for him I do admit and i knew it really was
something because it felt different. At first, I thought i was
so lucky to have met someone as amazing as he was.
Obviously, at the time, I was foolish enough to have
thought that way about him. It just happened. Can't
explain it. And since then, I spent all my time texting and
chatting to him online, slagging off my school work.
However, I managed to keep myself on track with my work
and there were no problems. As we got chatting and
chatting, he became one of my cloest male friend I have
ever had who I can tell anything to. We used to text every
day and night.. It was like a marathon. Then it came the
time when i nearly lost one of my most precious friend in
my life, because of him. It happened sometime around
April. I was naive enough to chose him instead of my
bestest friend. I don't think i will go into details here, but
between us three we know what happened and I know
who was wrong, and that would be me. I chose NOT to
believe my friend just because of how much I thought I
"loved" this guy. Now come to think of it, I can't believe
how stupid i have been. And I know how annoyed my
freind was because I didn't realise at the time, she was
telling the truth. But because I was so blinded by this sick
"love" i only thought of him. I know that i have made some
pretty awful decisions in the past year or so that I really
should not have. I won't ever again let ANY boy come
between me and my girlfriends, because now I know,
when I do fall, they are the ones who wil catch me; the
boys will be the one to walk away then point and laugh.
A year and a half went by, I felt I have changed so much
because of him. Not with how I look or anything like that,
but with my personality and how I deal with things etc.
May be because he is older than I am, I felt that I have
grown up faster than I would have done if I didn't know him.
The worst thing is, I have a very special memory. I
remember particularly well of what people saids and do *
(socially.. not acadamically unfortunately >.<) and this
causes me problems because when we used to be really
good friends, he sent me loads of songs and in my mind,
those songs and him are linked. And unfortunately, I liked
those songs. And now, every time one of those songs
comes on from the iTunes, it reminds me of him. Even
with things he has once said to me, i remembered them
well and when, if, I am in a situation, something he said
would come into my mine and i would either say it or the
other person would say it, which reminds me of him once
again. It has been a while now that i have not been
together with him, and the feelings i have for him are
slowing going away, but only at a very slow pace. It
seems, that getting over this person is harder than i
thought. Or may be i thought that I would never be able to
get over him? I don't know. It is hard to tell at the moment.
However, from the things he has done to me afterwards,
or rather from the things that he didn't do to me
afterwards, it doesn't even seem like he wants to be
friends with me anymore. I mean, what good of a friend
was he if he would just leave me and not being friends
ever again; when he was once one of the closest thing in
my life at one moment in time? I know I am sounding like I
am somewhat obsessed with him, and people might think
I am, but actually, I am not. Or at least I don't think I am. I
think I have wasted enough of my time, my tears, and my
effort on somebody who clearly doesn't and never have
cared about me when I gave my whole world for them, but
more so, I have wasted a lot of money. Every month after I
met him, my phone bill has been going up and up and in
August it got up to 130 pounds... But I was naive enough
to carry on, not listening to what my mum have told me,
and just carry on texting him each second. Looking back
on it now, I wish I have never done so. May be things
wouldn't have turned out this way. I wished I have never
been a friend of his, because now, I have lost a friend,
who I thought really was a friend but he is turning out to be
a jerk after all.
I guess sometimes it is fate that things happened the way
they did, just like me meeting this boy. It was unexpected,
and at the beginning we didn't even talk. But as fate goes,
we started talking after we left. As strange as it sounds, I
think I really did like this guy. And when I think about why I
like him so much, I couldn't come up with anything. Is this
true love? When you have no reasons as to why you
"love" a person so much? May be. Who knows? Right
now, I just have to move on however much I wish this never
happened. I am not a person with super powers that
could turn back the hands of time; I can't change what has
happened and make things turn out a different way. All I
can do, is have my head up and move forward. After all,
there is only 17 days until 2008. But, I know, however hard
I try, there will still be little bits of memories that I can never
forget...
A new year, a new start. | 
